Hotel California DRM: You can check in, but you can't check out.

Hi, this is H@H@ from the Lowyat.net forums and I've just begun my very unprofessional career in games journalism, thanks to frags. If you're familiar with me then you know what to expect, otherwise, I hope this doesn't annoy you to say the least and all feedback is welcome. I'm horrible at introductions and instead I'll just throw up my first article and we'll go from here.

So, yesterday, I received a copy of Bulletstorm, Epic's new fancy FPS with arcadish gameplay and rape-inducing skillshots. I knew it was going to come with Games for Windows Live (GfWL for short, which unfortunately doesn't actually sound shorter when spoken) but since I've never had much issue with it in the past and I'm not that into multiplayer, I figured it wouldn't really be a problem for me.

I was wrong, but not in the way I expected.

I got on with installing the game onto a fairly middling gaming laptop. No issues except that the installation process was called “configuring your system” and got me worried that the game was rewriting my Windows wiring before it even tried to install as it took about an hour. 8 gigs of computer bytes later, I was ready to fire up the game. Game loads, I get to the title screen with the now (sadly) standard message of “Press Enter to Continue” and I begrudgingly accepted the rather insulting request.

I've leashed you with my DRM! Take that PC gamer!

A message comes up saying that I need a GfWL - Live account in order to continue because of online features or something and immediately brings up the GfWL interface. No offline play then? Awww, the box lied to me then (It specifically states “Internet Connection Required for Product Activation” which is, wait, no I mean “was” the norm for EA titles). Whatever, since I have internet access and I do have a proper Live account,(Which I used with Batman: Arkham Asylum) no biggie.

Since this is my first time running GfWL on this laptop, there's no profile available and I proceeded to sign in with my Live account. After apparently downloading my Live profile (Lies, but more on this later), it then prompts me that a game update is available and I MUST download it or I will be signed out (Which Batman Arkham Asylum didn't have). Man, DRM-warn-o-meter is still rising at this point seeing as it now has MMO style requirements to just run the game. But I'm not prudish about DRM anyway, so I press on since I've already come this far. I started the update process.

Barely 10 seconds in, it prompts me that it can't connect to the update server and the update won't run. The GfWL interface closes and I'm popped back to the game's title screen with a real “What the hell!” yell echoing in my head. Okay... I opened up the GfWL interface again and my Live account (Which was supposed to be downloaded) wasn't there at all. Second attempt at signing in fails with the same error and I was stumped.

Realizing that I don't want to be held hostage by this new game (and I'm still feeling the itch to play it), I figure, I'll work out the kinks later and just dive in and try it with an offline profile instead first. So, I create an offline profile and try to enter the game. The same popup appeared asking me to sign in with a Live account. Shit. Upon choosing the same offline account, it tells me I have to convert it into a Live account. Crap. So, it does in fact need a persistent online connection. Eat your heart out Ubisoft, you're not the only one with a hate altar now!(Ed - Ubisoft has loosened their DRM considerably with Assassin's Creed Brotherhood)

Saddened, I figured it's time I stopped trying to waste my time trying to decipher the issue with GfWL and instead go to google and let it help me find others who have already wasted their time for my benefit.

"It's as if you went into your car to start it, realise that there's no petrol in the tank and then the doors won't open to let you out."

And this is where it got interesting.

Up until now, all the DRM issues I've been facing, are well within acceptable limits by my standards. Ever since SecuROM mangled a DVD drive of mine, everything else just pales by comparison. So, I didn't mind the use of GfWL and even the persistent online stuff. What happened next though, takes the cake and is the reason for the title of this article.

As I tried to exit the game from the title screen, I realised that there was no actual exit button. Ok, no surprise here seeing as it's a console-esque title screen. So, first impulse is to press escape... nothing. Next is to go Alt-F4, and the next part shocked me: It prompts the same message that has been hounding me all this while, which is I have to sign in with a Live ID bla bla bla. Confused, I think maybe I blacked out for a split second and pushed Enter instead. Alt-F4 again... Same message.

Achievement Unlocked! You've been DRM'ed!

Uh oh, the game's DRM is actually preventing me from exiting the game. It's obviously uninentional, but it's hilarious to think about it. It's as if you went into your car to start it, realise that there's no petrol in the tank and then the doors won't open to let you out. It's absolutely bonkers. And thus, I was inspired to come up with the name for this new form of DRM, the Hotel California.

Unlike the song though, I may not be able to check out, but I could leave using the Task Manager. Did some searching online, which yielded nothing and then I realised that maybe it's the network I'm running on (Which has a rather overzealous firewall overseeing everything - Ed - does the firewall have Skynet in its name?) and I distinctly remember the Windows Update servers being blocked (Which was being used by Bulletstorm? Cue another WTF here). Try the game on another network and presto, it updates and works like a charm.

Before I even began to enjoy the game (Which is great and I'm already at the second act), the game had already given me some laughs and I can genuinely say that it's the first time that DRM has amused me both in its implementation and in the grand scheme of things. It would only have been funnier (Like Starforce funny) if it locked out the Task Manager as well. Fun times indeed if you needed a hard restart just to exit. Very fun. So fun. Too fun. Best fun. Ha Ha HA. *bangs head against wall*

Editor's Note: H@H@ is okay. Since writing this article and banging his head too hard against the wall, he has since been admitted to a mental asylum where he sings Hotel California all the time. Oh don't worry, he'll still be writing articles for us :)